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Laundry day

I was wankin' and I hadn't done it in a couple days and I needed to for sure. Well, right before I came my mother knocked on the door and said, "I need to put some clothing away. Open please." And I was just about to burst, so I struggled out an "Okay" and I came all over my stomach. I pulled my shirt over it and opened the damn door, then acted like I was still sleeping. Gross cum all over my bed!


Church chat

My mother has always wanted to be a nun. I was masturbating one time alone. At least I thought I was alone. Just as I was hitting it hard, ready for it to cum, my mother walked by and just stared. I, in a half-dazed state, just stared back. After about 30 seconds into this staring contest my cum burst out onto her shoe. At this point I was horrified beyond anything imaginable. She ran away and we talked about it later. I had to agree to take lessons about masturbation at our church with the minister. I'll never be that embarrassed again.


Bleach-bottle bonker

One night I had just gotten back from a night with my girlfriend. She didn't put out, so I was stuck with blue balls and a hard-on the size of the Eiffel Tower. I decided it was time to start the normal Saturday night routine of pulling out my favorite porn magazine, Keri lotion for extra dry skin, and commence with porking. Well that wasn't doing it for me. I started looking around for something I could actually fuck. I was looking at bottles, something big enough to stick my cock in. I ended up with an empty bleach bottle that I fastened to a pillow to fuck. I filled the bleach bottle with warm water and tons of tissue. About half way through my fucking I realized I couldn't fully pull my penis out. The top of the bleach bottle surprisingly had a cock ring effect and I was stuck. I figured that after a while I would lose my erection and the bleach bottle would fall off, but much to my dismay I found that I didn't fully clean the bleach from the bottle because my cock started burning bad! For an hour I sat there in pain. My mother came home to find her son hugging a pillow. She took me to the hospital and my penis was stained for two weeks.


Tea-time tosser

One day after a night out, I was dying for a bit of self-pleasure so I got in my bed and started furiously wanking off. It was some time before I came and it was a mind-blowing orgasm, but little did I know that there was a couple of bits of toast and a cup of tea on my bedside cabinet which my mother must have placed while I was enjoying myself! I told her I must have sleepwanked and it was common! She said she'd always thought I was a tosser anyway!!


Playboy pervert

I was out drinking all night. It was a weeknight during the summer. I came home at about 5:00 a.m. and immediately ordered the Playboy Channel. I plopped on to the living room floor, dropped trou, and took care of business. As soon as I completed the task, I passed out cold, my "evidence" all over my now-bare chest. The next thing I remember is my mother yelling from the staircase, which led directly into our living room. She's yelling, "Mikey, get down here, your son's on drugs," blah, blah, blah. I began to wake up and I realized I was pretty much laying on the floor naked, Playboy still going, and that I was still wasted, of course. My mother continued to scream for my father. By the time I raised my head, they were staring at me from the staircase. I realized that I had a load on myself with penis still in hand. My father sighed in disgust, and began to wake me up, covering my genitalia with a pillow that was now stained with my jiz. As I got up (slowly and in a daze) I realized what I loser I was. Now to make matters worse, I went to take a step toward the stairs to go up to bed and flipped through the air onto my face/chest/etc. My freakin' pants were still wrapped around my ankles!! So now there's jiz everywhere, all over me, the pillow, the rug!! My mother was SOOO disgusted. I was so drunk all I wanted to do was remove myself from the situation. I barricaded myself in my room and didn't come out (while they were home) for about two days. I could hear my mother talking to someone on the phone about the whole story. I couldn't believe it. Needless to say, my relationship with my parents has never, ever, ever been the same. My sister also knows the story, but was too young to appreciate it. She brings it up from time to time just to make sure I don't forget what I loser I am. It works every time!!!


Mom mops up

One time I masturbated after coming back from a night out. From all the excitement I came all over the floor. The next morning my mom entered the room and asked me what that was on the floor. I was shocked to see my cum spread all over the floor!!! I answered her that it was Sprite and watched her mop my cum off the floor.


Open-door policy

I was doing the rub-down in my room when my mom knocked and said, "What are you doing?" I was right in front of the door and she saw what I was doing and quickly left and not another word was said about it.


Carrot cutie

I was home alone after school and I thought I'd take advantage of it. So I found a nicely sized carrot and took a shower. I masturbated, of course, but I forgot the carrot in the shower! I didn't remember until the next day but my mom has a shower every morning. By the time I got to the bathroom the carrot was in the garbage. I'm sure my mom knew what I had done with the carrot. I pretend I don't know what she's talking about if she brings something like that up.


Christmas candlestick caper

Every year around Christmas we clean the house so it will look presentable for Christmas Eve dinner. Anyway, about two weeks before Christmas I was getting some decorations out of the attic and I found two tapered candles. I got an idea and set the candles aside for my private use. Later that night I broke out one of the candles and banged myself to orgasm with it. It felt so awesome!! In fact, it felt so good that I continued using the candle every day, sometimes more than once a day, for the two weeks leading up until Christmas Eve. On the morning of Christmas Eve, my mom was setting the table and she said, "I could have sworn I bought new candles last year. Where in the hell are they?" I didn't want to get caught, so later I slipped the candles back into a box of decorations while she wasn't looking. Needless to say, she eventually found them and put them in the upright candle holder on the dining room table! So on Christmas Eve my extended family came over because we always have dinner at our house. Eventually, my mom went to light the candles, but they wouldn't light (could this be from all the vaginal fluid that seeped into the wick). After many tries, my mom finally got the candles to light, but I guess vaginal fluid had seeped into the wick because it smelled like a rotten vagina as it burned!! My whole family started gagging and made faces of disgust, and my mom, still gagging, threw the candles away and my whole family looked very disturbed throughout the whole dinner. They didn't know it was me, but my face was red through the whole ordeal!!


No condoms allowed

I was home alone for the weekend and I was masturbating with one of my parent's condoms on their bed. I was totally naked and I thought they were gone for the whole weekend and they walked in on me right when I started to cum. When my mom saw me with my dad's condom on and cumming she fainted. She was really pissed off, but my dad just said not to wear condoms when I masturbate and that I have to keep by door open all the time.


Is your room clean?

I was at home all alone one day and I decided to have a little fun. So I rolled out the vacuum and started going at it. But before I was ready to cum my parents had come home and I didn't hear the garage door go up. My mom walked into my room thinking I was cleaning it and got more than she bargained for. Now I can't even make eye contact with her when the vacuum is on.


Screwdriver screw-up

When I masturbate I lie naked on top of my bed with two screwdrivers, one in my vagina and the other stimulating my clit. One time while masturbating I fell asleep naked with no blankets and with the screwdrivers still in me. When I woke up the next morning there was a sheet over me and the screwdrivers were sitting next to me.


Pinch me, please

One time I was wanking off and I couldn't cum for anything (I wasn't too horny), so I decided to get a pair of tweezers and pinch my ass with them. So I started pinching my ass and I was getting off, but then my mom suddenly walked in and told me to lift up the covers! I said no, so she told me to sit up. I sat up and the tweezers went straight up my ass!! I screamed and my mom asked what was wrong ... just let your imagination handle the rest!!


An apple a day ...

I've enjoyed sticking just about anything I can find up my butt while I masturbate. I get a little carried away sometimes and push things a little to far. I like the feel of nylons in my butt, so when my mom was at work I would take some of her pantyhose and wrap things up in them. So, one day I was shoving an apple in my butt and it sucked itself in, pantyhose and all. After working for a while to get it out I finally managed to get a grip on it and slowly some of the nylons came out, but not all the way out. Mom came home early that day and walked in to find me crying with her pantyhose hanging out of my butt! Of course she freaked!! It got worse when she made me pull them out and the apple hit the floor with a nasty thud. Now I only masturbate in a locked bathroom using only my hand.


Parental concern

Well, once when I was jerking off to a porn video and my mom came in and she was like, "Oh my god!! What are you doing?!" and I said the TV remote broke and I couldn't change the channel and that I just got excited from the video and decided to change my boxers. And then I had the "gay talk" with my dad--you know, the old "Son, if you masturbate you might think 'Oh, I don't need women. I can just jack off' and you might turn gay."


Don't borrow dad's porn

Once I was watching my dad's porn downstairs when my mom came home. I rushed to take it out of the VCR and bring it upstairs to their room as she walked in the house. I had to lie, saying that I had to borrow one of my dads razors! Hint: get your own porn, never borrow!


Runaway carrot

Well, a couple of days ago I was experimenting with a carrot stick (a small one) and I pushed too hard and it went way back into the back of my pussy. It was a great feeling, but I had to tell my mom and she had to take me to the doctor's office to get it taken out.


He's a stand-up man

I had just gotten home from a visit to the lake when I decided to whip it out in the family room and give it a good tug. I turned on the 24-hour bikini/phone sex ad channel, when my mom walked in. Without even thinking, I immediately stood up with my wet shorts to my ankles and my hand covering my crotch. "What are you watching?" asked my mom. "Nothing," I said. "What are you doing?" asked mom. "Nothing," I said. "Uhh, okay," she said and she walked out. Never have I ever been so humiliated.


See my new toy?

I had just had a great night full of masturbating and when I woke up, my mom was in my room, sitting on the chair in front of my bed, looking at me with my shorts and underwear off. I had no covers on either, and to top it off, I had the "toy" I pleasured myself with still between my legs!


Lost ring

One day I was watching a porno by myself and I felt like masturbating so I began to insert my finger in my pussy. Then I realized that my ring was stuck and I couldn't get it out! I had to tell my mom so she could take me to the hospital to have it removed.


Blinded by semen

A few weeks ago I was up late masturbating, and I tied my feet to the bedpost above my head and stuck a large, lubricated sharpie into my anus and proceeded to jack off. Well, to get to the point, I came and some of it got in my right eye under my contact lens! So there I was, completely nude, with my feet tied up to the headboard above me, and blinded by my own semen, not able to see to untie myself, and unable to reposition myself either. So there was only one option--call for mom to come to the rescue. Sure, she wasn't happy at all; in fact, I was forced to go to church for the next several months and I was not allowed to go in my room and close the door. I also was grounded and lost all privileges, but the embarrassment of having my mom see me like that was far worse than any punishment I could ever receive!


Speechless

I was masturbating in my room one afternoon, rubbing my penis up and down. I was just about to have an orgasm when my mom walked in! I had the covers up over my legs so she didn't see anything, but I know she knew what was going on because when she walked in I came so hard that I couldn't answer her when she asked me a question. She knocks on my door now.


Clit ring catastrophe

I have a clit ring. You know, a piercing through the clit. And I was feeling a little horny, as I always am. So I went in the bedroom to get my favorite outfit, a fishnet creation that's very comfortable and oh-so-sexy. I laid down on my bed after putting it on and I started to go to town on it. I was rubbing and fondling when all of a sudden I felt a snag. I looked down to see that the fishnet had come unraveled and had gotten stuck on my clit ring. "Okay," I thought. "I can get this off, no problem." I stood up, not realizing that the fabric would stretch, and I heard a rip and felt the most awful pain. All I remember is seeing the blood and then hitting the floor. I woke up in the emergency room with my mother giving me dirty looks and a bunch of nurses giggling at me. Well, needless to say, I had to get 20 stitches and was told not to have sex for 6 months. But there is an upside! I have more feeling in my clit now and masturbation is better than ever.


Straight shooter

I was laying on my bed one day when I started watching a dirty video my girlfriend had bought me. It was such a turn-on I started masturbating. I was going at it really hard, and was really getting into it so much that I forgot my mother was in the next room. As I was getting closer to coming I began to make some noise because I find making noises turns me on more. As I got louder and louder, my mum must have heard and thought I was in pain, because just as I reached the point of no return she hurried into the room to see what was wrong with me. I shot my load right on her stomach!!! She was so disgusted she couldn't look at me for days! I lock myself in the bathroom to masturbate from now on!


Out-of-control orgasm

One day after work I was so horny that I just needed a quick release. I had gotten all cleaned up and out of my work clothes and I had been sitting in my room, alone in the house, for about an hour. I decided to watch some porn and I quickly found myself stroking my seven incher. Three quarters of an hour passed and I found myself just about to cum. At the time of "arrival" I started to shoot literally everywhere--on the TV screen, on the floor, and even on my mother's foot when she walked in to find me having a good time! I have been so embarrassed since and have tried to be a little more private in my doings.


Tree piercing

I was rubbing one out and driving at the same time when a white-tailed deer suddenly ran out in front of my car. I didn't hit the deer, but as I swerved to miss the deer I hit the ditch and then slammed into a big tree. I felt all right after the impact and after I came to ... except a limb from the tree smashed through my windshield, puncturing a two-inch hole in my nut bag! After sitting in my car for two hours I built up enough strength to get out of my car. I climbed out of my car while holding my sack in both hands. I then walked back out onto the highway and tried to wave down cars, but the people driving by just ignored me because they thought I was being a jerk and making obscene gestures toward them. Lucky for me, my own MOTHER drove by and saw me. She picked me up and rushed me to the hospital where I received twelve stitches in my sack! Everything seems to work now after two years.


Zipper slip-up

Once when I was 14 I thought my parents were gonna be gone the whole day so I had a blast. About the eighth time I masturbated they knocked on the door and I tried to zip up my pants really quick. The skin of my penis got caught in the zipper, but being in such a hurry I kept zipping anyway! It took eight stitches and a hell of a lot of pain pills, but I got over it after about a year. To this day I don't masturbate anymore and I live in my own house!!


Grandma intrudes

A few months ago my grandma came to stay with me and my girlfriend for a week. She's a lovely grandma, but is quite prone to nosing around and her privacy policy leaves a lot to be desired. She'd do things like tidy up our bedroom (there's a lot of porn and unsavory things in our bedroom) while I was at work. I'd come home thinking, "Shit, what's she found?" Anyway, one morning I'd woken up with the Morning Glory and my girlfriend had already left for work, so I thought I'd have a look at some class porn and knock a quick one out. So there I was, holding a porno mag, spanking the monkey, and all of a sudden there's a knock at the door and it opens immediately. My grandma stood there asking, "Are you awake yet? You'll be late for work!" There I was in mid-act and frantically stuffing said porno mag half under the covers with a seriously embarrassed look on my face. My girlfriend thought it was hilarious and kept bringing it up in conversation later that evening while she sat with my grandma, mom, and auntie. To be fair, I thought it was funny as hell and told everyone I knew (not before my girl beat me to it, though)!!


Danger man

In my teens, I used to enjoy the thrill of what I called a "dangerwank." I'd start pulling and then, when I knew I was close to shooting, I'd yell "Mom" and have to finish before she ran into the room! There was always the risk she'd burst in when I was beyond the point of no return! 


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